™ Miracle product is answer to guitarists' prayers

If you're the type of person who forgets that his guitar has a soft wooden top and his guitar case has a hard, sharp metal latch, you're also the type of person who won't let improbable performance guarantees stop you from buying a product that is overpriced and under-researched. In other words, you're a DingAway Man!

What's a DingAway Man®? A DingAway Man isn't your usual long-haired, underfed, hygiene-indifferent, trailer-park PWT guitar player with a total of $10 to his name. A DingAway Man doesn't have the $10, because that's the non-refundable cost of one ultra-exclusive tube of DingAway (patent pending), the product that claims to work magic on unsightly guitar surface dings. Just apply one application of DingAway using the patented DingAway Q-Tip™ applicator, then wait five seconds. Now, step to the other side of your double-wide trailer and try to spot the ding on your guitar. See! That's the magic of DingAway! (Dings may appear larger and unrepaired when viewed from across the room in single-wide trailers.)

How Can I Be a DingAway Man? You too can be a DingAway Man. It's simple. Just send $10 cash money, plus $23.95 for free shipping and handling, to: Capt. Jim 1234 Easy Swingin' Hammock DeLand, FL 66666

Is There Such a Thing as a DingAway Woman? Capt. Jim, founder and lead scientist of DingAway Ltd., a division of Scamway International, currently is conducting research to answer this important question. If you have a scientific bent and would like to help his research, carefully follow these instructions: 1) stand next to a swimming pool wearing only a skimpy bikini, 2) throw the bikini into the pool, 3) take a picture of yourself and send it to Dingaway Ltd. Capt. Jim will post results of his research on the Internet, where you'll be able to view the results, if you are over 18 years old and have a personal credit card to pay the $19.95 membership fee.